How to tune into your intuition and make empowered decisions (especially during the holidays)
I was walking down a busy street on my lunch break when I called my mom. I was 21 years old, and this daily call was part of my routine. She would answer, and I’d list a few food options I was considering for lunch, asking her to choose for me. She always did, and it seemed harmless—sweet, even. I didn’t realize it at the time, but this seemingly harmless daily routine was a subtle reflection of the deeper codependent dynamic I was entrenched in, wrapped in the illusion of kindness (which could be said for most codependency tendencies).
On the surface, it looked like a loving mother-daughter interaction. But beneath it, I was outsourcing decisions I didn’t trust myself to make. What felt like a small, harmless ritual reflected a deeper dysfunction: I had learned to place more trust in others' opinions than in my own. What felt like a comforting habit was actually a quiet erasure of my inner authority, reinforcing the belief that I couldn’t rely on myself.
The thought of deciding what to eat on my own gave me crippling anxiety. What if I chose wrong? What if I spent money on something I didn’t enjoy? The pressure felt enormous for something so small. I didn’t trust myself to make even this simplest of decisions. I didn’t realize it then, but this wasn’t just about lunch—it was a pattern that reflected a deeper truth: I didn’t trust myself, at all.
Self-trust is the foundation of living in alignment with your needs, values, and desires. It’s the confidence to make decisions that honor who you are, even when they go against the grain of others’ expectations. Back then, I wasn’t living in alignment with anything because I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t know my own needs or desires—only what others told me they should be.
Growing up in a predominantly white town as a person of color, I unconsciously learned to shapeshift. I became whoever I needed to be to feel liked, accepted, and as though I belonged. While shapeshifting was a survival mechanism—something I did to protect myself and avoid being “exiled from the group”—it came at a cost: I lost my connection to myself. I muted my inner voice and the quiet whispers of my intuition in favor of external validation. Over time, this pattern led me to call my mom every day on my lunch break to pick what I should eat; I was lost, uncertain, and disconnected from my own truth.
When we disconnect from ourselves in this way, it makes sense that we lose touch with our intuition—the very thing that can guide us back home to ourselves. Intuition isn’t something you find out there; it’s something you remember from within. But when we’ve spent so much time ignoring our own needs and desires in favor of others’ expectations, our inner voice becomes nearly impossible to hear, muffled by the noise of the outside world.
In 2019, when I got into a situationship, I was certain I was being divinely guided. I experienced a reckoning with my intuition that completely destroyed my self-trust and confidence. I found myself in what I imagine was a spiritual psychosis, convinced this person was my twin flame and that we were destined to be together forever, even though I experienced debilitating fear and rejection every time they ghosted me. I danced this toxic dance for months, feeling betrayed by my own mind. It felt like every ounce of self-trust and intuition I had left was wiped out. How could I let myself be led into something so destructive?
After experiencing that kind of betrayal from myself, I struggled to trust my intuition ever again. The doubt crept in, whispering (or yelling) thoughts like “Maybe I’m just imagining things. Maybe I’m not worthy of better. I’ve made mistakes before; maybe I’m just not good at making decisions.” These were the voices of self-doubt, not my intuition. But in that fog, it was nearly impossible to tell the difference. I questioned every decision, no matter how small. Was it my intuition, or was it just me looking for something to grasp onto? Was I just hoping it was my intuition, because the alternative was too painful to accept?
These thoughts are what often happen when we disconnect from our inner wisdom for too long. Our intuition gets buried beneath layers of doubt, fear, and past experiences. The very voice that used to guide us becomes muffled, and what we think is intuition is actually a mix of fear, insecurity, and old stories we’ve internalized.
But here’s the thing: Intuition is not about constant certainty or unshakable confidence. It’s not the loud voice demanding we make a choice; it’s the quiet, steady pull toward what feels true, what feels aligned with who we really are. Intuition speaks in subtle ways—it’s not always a dramatic revelation, but a quiet knowing or a sense of inner peace when we make the right choice. It doesn’t come with a flood of doubt or anxiety—it simply is.
Together, self-trust and intuition are about reclaiming your inner authority—tuning into your wisdom and making choices that reflect your authentic self.
Why we struggle with this when we have codependency tendencies
When we experience codependency, trusting ourselves can feel impossible. Codependency often teaches us to prioritize others' needs, feelings, and expectations over our own. We become hyper-attuned to external cues—“Will this upset them?” or “How will they react?”—and, in turn, lose touch with our inner guidance. Intuition gets drowned out by self-doubt and fear of rejection, while self-trust crumbles under the weight of seeking approval or avoiding conflict. In codependent dynamics, boundaries can feel risky because we’ve been conditioned to believe that our worth depends on pleasing others or keeping the peace. Rebuilding self-trust and reconnecting with our intuition is about reclaiming our power to decide what’s right for us and learning to honor it— unapologetically.
How to tune into your intuition and make empowered decisions (especially during the holidays)
The holiday season can be a whirlwind of family dynamics, expectations, and social obligations. It’s easy to lose sight of your own needs and desires when you’re trying to navigate the needs of others. Here’s how to tune into your intuition in the midst of holiday gatherings and family time:
Create space for stillness amidst the chaos: The holidays are often full of noise and activity, but carving out even a few moments for yourself can help you reconnect with your inner wisdom. Before or after family gatherings, take a few minutes to sit in silence, breathe deeply, and check in with yourself. Ask, “How am I feeling right now? What do I need?” This space, however brief, creates an opportunity for you to hear your intuition amidst the holiday hustle.
Check in with your body during family interactions: Family gatherings can bring up a lot of emotions. Pay attention to your physical reactions during these interactions. How does your body communicate discomfort or dysregulation to you? For me, my ears get hot, my fingertips go numb, and I get a tight feeling in my chest. If you’re feeling tense, overwhelmed, or drained, that’s a signal that your intuition is trying to guide you. Perhaps it’s telling you that you need a break or that you’re overcommitting yourself. When we listen to the nudges and give ourselves the space we need we build deeper levels of self-trust because we aren’t self-abandoning.
Ask yourself, “What feels true for me right now?” During the holidays, there can be pressure to say “yes” to everything or meet everyone’s expectations. When making decisions about attending events, ask yourself: “What feels true for me?” Trust that your intuition will guide you to choices that honor your needs, even if they go against the grain of family dynamics.
Releasing self-doubt and embracing your inner authority
Family can stir up a lot of old patterns and triggers, and doubt often creeps in when we’re surrounded by people who have known us for years. If you find yourself questioning your choices during family time, here are a few ways to release self-doubt and stand in your inner authority:
Recognize when self-doubt is creeping in: During holiday gatherings, you might hear thoughts like, “Maybe I’m just being too sensitive,” or “I shouldn’t need a break; everyone else is fine.” These are common voices of self-doubt, trying to undermine your intuition. When these thoughts come up for you, pause and remind yourself that you have the right to listen to your needs, even if they feel different from those around you.
Challenge the “shoulds” of family expectations: Family members can unintentionally pressure us with their “shoulds” and “expectations,” but remember, you are not obligated to live up to anyone else’s idea of what you should be doing. Challenge thoughts like, “I should stay at the family gathering longer” or “I should buy a big gift for everyone.” Instead, ask yourself: “What do I need right now to feel balanced and nourished?” Trust that it’s okay to say no, take breaks, or set boundaries. I like to remind myself that what is best for me, is best for everyone because I’ll be resourced and present to what I show up to instead of resentful or exhausted.
Affirm your power during family interactions: Before heading into family events, set an intention to honor your own voice and desires. Use affirmations like: “I trust myself to make the best choices for me,” or “I am worthy of taking care of my needs during the holidays.” Repeating these affirmations can help you feel empowered, even in the midst of challenging family dynamics.
Simple, daily practices to build confidence and trust in yourself
The holidays can be stressful, but with a few simple practices, you can build the self-trust you need to navigate family time confidently and with more ease. Here are a few practices to help you stay grounded:
Start with small decisions, even around food: One of the most common struggles during the holidays is feeling overwhelmed by all the choices—what to eat, what to wear, or what to bring to a family gathering. Start by tuning into your intuition for the smaller decisions. Ask yourself, “What would feel nourishing for me today?” When you trust yourself with smaller choices (like picking a dish to bring or how long to stay at an event), it becomes easier to make bigger decisions.
Journal about your holiday experiences: Take a few minutes each day to reflect on your experiences during the holidays. Write about how you’re feeling—both the highs and the lows. For example, after a family dinner, ask yourself: “What did I enjoy about tonight? Was there a moment I felt disconnected or overwhelmed?” Journaling helps you process your emotions and gain clarity about what you need next.
Celebrate your boundaries, no matter how small: Setting boundaries with family can feel tricky, but it’s essential for your well-being and if I’ve learned anything, over time it has brought deeper connection that actually feels more genuine and authentic. Whether it’s taking a break when you feel drained or politely declining an invitation, celebrate each time you honor your own needs. Remind yourself: “I am allowed to set boundaries to protect my energy,” and “I trust myself to make decisions that serve me.” It will bring more authentic connection, not less.
Create holiday-specific affirmations: The holiday season often brings up feelings of guilt or pressure to please others. Combat this with holiday-specific affirmations like, “I trust myself to enjoy this season on my terms,” or “I am worthy of taking care of my emotional needs during the holidays.” Repeating these affirmations daily will help you stay grounded and confident in your decisions. If you struggle with saying affirmations and believing them, you’re definitely not alone— this is where shadow work prompts come in to support you in getting to the root of your core beliefs.
I hope these daily practices offer you some tools that will bring you more clarity and the empowerment you need this holiday season. Below, I’ve included a bonus section with shadow work prompts to dive even deeper into your self-trust journey for paid subscribers.
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