Codependency Alchemy

Codependency Alchemy

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Codependency Alchemy
Codependency Alchemy
I'm actually not ok...
From My Journal โœ๐Ÿพ

I'm actually not ok...

Alyssa Zander's avatar
Alyssa Zander
Apr 18, 2025
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Codependency Alchemy
Codependency Alchemy
I'm actually not ok...
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I started my morning snapping at Justin for reminding me that we were supposed to run 5.5 miles (we were training for a 10K so we had been following a running schedule). The way I shouted at him woke up a deep shame within me. It had been several days of this now, where he would just look at me and I would shoot him a glare with a sharp and cold โ€œWhat?!โ€

woman running near body of water

The more patient and attentive he was the more guilt I felt, and the way it compounded throughout the week I felt like I was drowning in a sea of my own suffering. I found myself in the depths of what was so familiar. I had been here before.

Yes, this used to be my normal.

I felt polarizing feelings; I had feelings of gratitude for how far I had come and how I had lived years outside of this suffocating feeling of anxiety and dysregulation. Simultaneously I was feeling grief that this was where I was at right now, and questioning how I even got here.


"From My Journal โœ๐Ÿพ" is a raw and intimate look into the real-time practices that shape my healing journey. Beyond this paywall, you'll find vulnerable truths and deep insights into shadow work and inner child healing shared from my heart, because I know the power of being witnessed in our truthโ€” even when itโ€™s messyโ€ฆ


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