Post full moon reflections: the void, life's work, and sweet synchronicities

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The Void

About a year ago I did a year ahead tarot spread and pulled a card that represented “the void” for this current season I am in. I have spent the past year in terror for this time that I am experiencing right now, even as someone who has spent a lot of time in the shadows and the void, it never gets easier.

There you are, standing at the top of the stairs at the first gate of the void, the underworld, your deepest depths, and you know you must descend. There is something calling you forward, but you don’t know what it is. It’s cold and you feel frozen, unable to move even your fingers. Your heart beats louder, your blood flows through your veins, and you don’t know how it happens but you take the first step and begin your descent.

With each step I feel myself shedding the burdens I’ve been carrying. I watch myself shed my old limiting beliefs of needing to do things alone, scarcity, not “being able to” birth. Like clothing falling off my body, I’m left naked and exposed. As I fall to my knees, I find compassion and forgiveness.

“I forgive myself for the timing— there was never anything wrong with the timing. It was always meant to be this way, it could not be any other. There was nothing I did to prolong receiving the greatest gifts that are here. Everything I did and the time it took readied me to receive from the most open, soft, spacious, place that I was destined to receive in.

I am safe, nourished, and in joy— this was your karma, and it’s time to receive it now.”

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Life’s Work

I have been experiencing a shift in the way I experience my work, and how I feel when I am in it. Surrounded by water I look at my reflection and see a fiery version of myself… the water holding this reflection for me to see where I am out of alignment.

I close my eyes, place a hand on my heart, and invite my helping Spirits and Guides to show me what I need to see, even though a part of me fears to see the Truth.

They intensify this fiery version of myself, showing me as someone who comes off harsh, overbearing, controlling, authoritative.

I ask, “Is this a warning?”

I hear a resounding, “Yes.”

I look down at my feet, guilt pulsating through my body, and I muster up my truth, “I have been feeling this way in my work, why?”

I feel a soft embrace, a gentle reminder that I am still loved even still, and then hear my Spirit Team say:

“Because you are out of alignment again, and we acknowledge that you are also creating systems to support you in exiting those types of spaces and dynamics, but we have to show you what will be if you ignore sharing and moving from your psychic self and gifts.

You must come into your journey, solely. This will be where abundance unlike you ever knew possible will come through. It will be like an endless waterfall. It is outside of the systems you know, so we understand why you doubt it, but it’s time to trust. Write. Use your voice. Do this and share and more will come.”

I’m shown a number of timelines flash in front of me, the ones where I stay in paradigms where people invoke authority over through force and power, and ones where we sit in circles around proverbial fires and share from a place of open-hearted story-telling and allowing others to find their truth in witnessing our stories.

“People find and see themselves through your seeing of yourself, and this is your path.”

Sweet Synchronicities

I pull a card to encapsulate what will be when I step out of the places that no longer resonate and into alignment with how I am meant to experience and show up in my life’s work in this lifetime and I pull: Rapture.

Rapture is my Life’s Work in Gene Keys, so of course I found the synchronicity hilarious and I actually begin to laugh out loud. As I look at the card I see a woman open, soft, vulnerable, but in full bliss and pleasure. This is what I get to embody in this season of my life. That my vulnerability and raw honesty, as uncomfortable and terrifying as it is, will bring me deeper intimacy and connection to myself, and inevitably that will be reflected in the intimacy and connection I receive in my external reality as well.

I also notice the hand in the photo, and to me this represents the support and protection that I have around me and within me. I can trust myself, I can trust that my soft and open nature is, and will always be, protected.

I go to put this card on my Spirit Baby altar and realize that my totem that represents Spirit Baby isn’t on the altar, because we took it with us on our trip to London and Paris. I put the card on the altar and go to find the totem, which is a round quartz stone, and come back to place it on top the card. When I look to see the orientation of both, tears formed in my eyes, as I saw a women birthing the baby.

I hear, “And this is here, now.”

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