NOTE TO SELF: Do not, I repeat, DO NOT make any decisions on this day
What I have learned since tracking my cycle
Many of you who have been here awhile know that Justin and I have been on our conception journey for 5 years now, and if you’re new here, well now you know! It’s had its highs and lows, but overall it’s taught me so much about my cycle and really getting in tune with it.
I’ve done everything from learning about the different parts of my cycle, tracking my cycle, physical symptoms, taking my basal body temperature every morning, acupuncture, and the list goes on— but I’ve never really paused to reflect on how I experience each phase emotionally.
The past couple of months I have been nudged to start living a more cyclical life, and I’ll share what that means for me.
For me, living more cyclically means to tune into my bodies rhythm and flows. What thoughts come in, and when? What are my energy levels on certain days versus others? How do I show up in my relationship/work/life during each phase of my cycle? Is it the same or different, and how so?
Something I know about myself is that I lean towards rigidity. I love a schedule, being told what to do, and when— and following it no matter what. This is why I was so good at taking that little pill with all those synthetic hormones that completely dissociated me from my body and its natural rhythm for over half my life.
You see, I have a pattern of giving my power away in all facets of my life. Trust me, I still feel the grief of this even as I type these words. Why didn’t I advocate for myself? Why didn’t I research and learn? Why didn’t I have access to what I have now— it would have saved me so much pain, and my body wouldn’t have had to function on hormones that were not naturally producing.
Ok, this is very Day 20 of me.
The grief, the sadness, the anger, the rage, the catastophize-ing my entire experience and being swallowed whole by it. If I were to have wrote this on Day 5 or 6 of my cycle you might be getting a very different perspective. One that is confident, trusting, and hopeful most likely. But I digress, rather than spiraling in my grief, let’s get to the meat and bones of what this whole post is even about.
After tracking my emotions for the past several months and how I show up in each season, here is what I have noticed…