Do you think that two people who are both in a low place & are have experienced trauma that they're trying to move through, can br in a relationship ship & it not be a complete disaster? Inadvertently causing one another more pain & trauma?
I think that if we bring our sole focus on ourselves and our healing journey and tending to ourselves every single time we are triggered in our relationship we will build a relationship with all parts of us that ultimately lead us to feeling more safe with ourselves, which leads to more confidence and self-trust that will guide and support us in knowing if a relationship or person is aligned or not and will help us in a making a choice that supports us and how we desire to feel in our relationships.
I think that choosing to not do this inner work when you have unresolved trauma that is negatively impacting your relationship will only keep you looping in the same dysfunctional patterns that likely generations before you also experienced.
When you say fill your cup first…. How do I do that if my need is connection. At the moment I am needing connection in general but I don’t know how to fill that first before going to my partner. It’s not easy trying to connect with others when you’ve gone from isolation for over 8 years to suddenly needing contact and connection.
Mine was connection too, I see you. For me when I was needing connection I would draw myself a bath and spend time with myself. In the beginning it didn't feel like enough, and I think that is normal. Many of us are operating from a completely bone dry cup, so when we start filling it, it's little by little. I go into this more in depth in this video: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT2rCEehK/
Do you think that two people who are both in a low place & are have experienced trauma that they're trying to move through, can br in a relationship ship & it not be a complete disaster? Inadvertently causing one another more pain & trauma?
I think that if we bring our sole focus on ourselves and our healing journey and tending to ourselves every single time we are triggered in our relationship we will build a relationship with all parts of us that ultimately lead us to feeling more safe with ourselves, which leads to more confidence and self-trust that will guide and support us in knowing if a relationship or person is aligned or not and will help us in a making a choice that supports us and how we desire to feel in our relationships.
I think that choosing to not do this inner work when you have unresolved trauma that is negatively impacting your relationship will only keep you looping in the same dysfunctional patterns that likely generations before you also experienced.
I dive more into how we can do this work while in a relationship here: "Can I heal codependency while I am in a relationship?" https://alyssaaazander.substack.com/p/can-i-heal-codependency-while-i-am
Your response is very helpful, thank you.
When you say fill your cup first…. How do I do that if my need is connection. At the moment I am needing connection in general but I don’t know how to fill that first before going to my partner. It’s not easy trying to connect with others when you’ve gone from isolation for over 8 years to suddenly needing contact and connection.
Mine was connection too, I see you. For me when I was needing connection I would draw myself a bath and spend time with myself. In the beginning it didn't feel like enough, and I think that is normal. Many of us are operating from a completely bone dry cup, so when we start filling it, it's little by little. I go into this more in depth in this video: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT2rCEehK/