Most of us who experience codependency tend to also identify or resonate with being an empath, or someone who is highly attuned to the feelings and emotions of those around them.
Being an empath or highly sensitive person is truly a gift, however when we grow up under less than optimal environments where our needs for safety and connection weren’t met, it can turn into us using that gift to perceive the needs of those around us so that we can try to control our environment as a way to get those basic needs for safety and love met.
This isn’t to say that our patterns that have derived from our empathic nature are bad or wrong, it is more to invite curiosity to if those patterns are really serving you and your relationships or connections in the way that bring more intimacy or perhaps you will see how it is not.
I used to walk into a grocery store, completely debilitated by the time I checked out. I felt like my soul had been stepped all over, and I would even struggle to breath. I started trying to make my shopping trips quick, almost timing myself to get out of there in less than 10 minutes because I was literally feeling the energy of everyone around me. I would go in feeling grounded and peaceful, but leave anxious, overwhelmed, and even angry.
I felt like a prisoner to this gift of being an empath, and felt powerless in the way I would absorb others energy like a sponge because I didn’t know how to stop.
I realized that I used this gift to feel into the energy of others to discern if I was safe or not, rather that cultivating that safety within myself. I was feeling into the energy of others without their permission to even do so! Energy Hygiene has been my remedy to coming back into my sovereignty and power, and stepping back into being in right relationship with others.
I had a mentor who taught me the gifts of Energy Hygiene, which helped me to see that me being in my own energy, and not absorbing the energy of others, is actually the most loving thing we can do for ourselves and others.
The dark side of the empath is that we tend to overly-empathize with others experiences and feelings and override our own emotional experience. This is why we tend to people-please, over-give, and self-sacrifice because we are feeling with the other persons experience, and ignoring our own.
This is why many of us experience deep longing to be seen and heard, because we have been self-abandoning and holding others over ourselves.
This practice is something I find myself doing often, as a way to bring my own energy back into my field, and walking out anyone or anything that isn’t ME out of my field.
I can already hear the fear coming up: But won’t that make me cold?
It actually empowers those around you. Doing this says, “I trust in your resilience and ability to move through hard things, and I will sit here with you as you navigate it.” I love how Brené Brown shares about empathy in this video:
When we stop using empathy as a way to discern if we are safe or not, and rather use it as a way to sit alongside others as they experience their feelings and emotions we are ultimately supporting unity consciousness. Meaning, we show others that all feelings and emotions are welcome and have a place, and that through feeling without judgment you are actually stepping into more freedom and liberation.
When we stop absorbing others feelings and emotions and making them mean something about us and start empowering others through their feelings, we bridge deeper intimacy and connection.
And that heals.
I hope this Energy Hygiene Meditation helps support you in learning what it can look and feel like to come back into your body and experience your sovereignty. You can do this practice every morning before you go out into your day, or every night to clear your field and come back into your power.
Being an empath is a gift, a gift that we have a responsibility to tend and care for.
ILYSM 🤟🏾
Alyssa
