Codependency Alchemy by Alyssa Zander is a membership and podcast created to empower you in overcoming self-doubt, shame, and "not being enough" through shadow work and inner child healing. You can support my work by becoming a paid subscriber for just $2.25 a week. Get access to more exclusive resources for supporting you in healing codependency and the mother wound by signing up for the full experience today.
In today’s episode Crystal, one of our members in the Codependency Alchemy Membership, asks for support on what to do when conflict comes up in her relationships, how self-sabotage has started to show up, and fears around her partner leaving and finding someone better.
In this session something came up around needing to “get it right”, there being no room for mistakes, and this need to show up perfect and “healed” to not lose a relationship that means a lot to us.
So with that being said, I need to talk to you babes about the cycle we often find ourselves in on this healing journey. It’s this idea that we're not supposed to experience “triggers” anymore. I want to illuminate how that belief alone keeps us perpetuating the story and belief that says “See, I'm not good enough, (or I didn’t “heal good enough”) because if I did I wouldn’t be doing/feeling this.”
We believe we're not supposed to experience triggers or discomfort when we’re “healed”. That for some reason “healed” means we're not supposed to be dysregulated or experience fear, disappointment, anger, sadness, grief, jealousy, envy.
But we are meant to feel the full range of emotions. Healing or “healed” isn’t the the absence of those what we might deem as “negative emotions”, feelings, or experiences. “Healed” is not the absence of discomfort.
Healing is how you hold yourself WHEN the discomfort comes in.
Please. I'm going to say it again because I want it to be so fucking clear for all of us— healing is not about never experiencing discomfort. Healing does not mean you do not experience triggers, activations, anger, rage, jealousy, envy, disappointment, sadness. The absence of discomfort does not mean that you're healed. Healing is holding yourself when you're triggered. Healing is making repairs after you said some fuck shit. Healing is is having the hard conversations and taking responsibility for what you did or said when you were dysregulated and you lost your shit. That's healing.
Shadow work prompt
“If I don't have it all together, then…” (what is the fear?)
Let me know in the comments if you also had a response or reflection from the shadow work question that Crystal explored!
The Waitlist is OPEN!
It’s official, the waitlist for the Codependency Alchemy Mastermind is officially open! As this co-hort comes to a close tomorrow, I am in my feels! The reflections from the six women who I got to journey with the past 3 months were so heart-warming, and I continuously am in awe of the transformation and healing that takes place in this intimate mastermind.
"There's not a lot of information out there on how to really do inner child work, and doing it yourself is extremely difficult so having others do that with you, and learning how to do it, was pretty amazing."
"I didn't feel scared or anxious once on a recent trip with my boyfriend, which is a massive transformation for me."
"I'm learning more ways to recognize that inner voice and not shut that part of myself down as much."
"My relationship with myself has changed - I'm more open to softening into where I am in my life instead of trying to push through and change things blindly. I'm also a lot less anxious and can better pinpoint where my anxiety is coming from."
Want a printable inner child worksheet?
I love a good worksheet, so I made one for myself and I’m super excited to share it with you all, with some of the shadow work prompts I revisit over and over again when my codependency is triggered. Print it, laminate it, whatever works best for you! This is a worksheet that will continue to walk you home to your own inner wisdom. I hope you find it supportive!
Listen to this week’s episode on your favorite platform
If you haven’t already rated Codependency Alchemy: The Podcast, it is super helpful in helping others find the podcast and join these conversations. If you have a moment and feel called to support me and the podcast, I would greatly appreciate your honest rating and review!
When we self-sabotage and have fear around our partner finding someone better