“I feel like I'm on this like awakening journey, and over the past two years I've seen a lot of things that I didn't really realize before. I've been in therapy, and I've been medicated and I've tried so many different things, and six months ago when I found you I started looking at things differently. I'm seeing more things, and part of me is excited about that, and part of me is terrified. I know where my struggles come from and my anxiety comes from, but I'm living in a way that’s not who I am. It's not true to who I am. And so the shadow work and this work that you do, it's tough, and it's been really scary…” - Nicole
It is terrifying to face our shadows, which is why we often try to hide them, to keep them locked away. But what I’ve learned in my life is that the more I reject these shadow parts of myself, the more I’m rejecting the fullness of who I am.
We all have aspects of ourselves that feel uncomfortable—whether it's jealousy, envy, fear, or doubt. For a long time, I tried to say, "That’s not me! I’m loving, kind, compassionate, and full of grace." But by denying these shadow parts, I wasn’t being compassionate to the part of me that judges, fears, and envies. And when we reject those parts of ourselves, we often end up projecting that rejection onto the people we love the most, unconsciously creating dynamics we desperately want to avoid.
For me, there was a point when I had to accept that the way I was doing things just wasn’t working. I thought it was, but through reflection and reality checks—like the ones we often do in our masterclasses—I had to ask myself, "Is this really giving me what I think it is?" This is what courageous rewiring looks like.
You can check out previous masterclasses from The Membership by clicking the Masterclass Library below!
The fear, the guilt, the shame—it’s heavy. It’s uncomfortable. I’ve had to confront the fact that while I saw myself as kind and compassionate, some of my actions were tied to covert agendas that I wasn't fully aware of.
Realizing that can make you feel like the bad guy.
When that shame creeps in, I remind myself that a very wise part of me created these patterns to keep me safe. These patterns didn’t show up yesterday—they were created in the first years of my life, probably in response to the environment I grew up in. And while they served me then, now I’m in a completely different environment, surrounded by different people, with a different life. Even though I still have relationships with my parents, and we’ve come a long way, many of my early dysfunctional patterns stem from my childhood with them.
This process of recognizing, understanding, and ultimately embracing our shadows is deeply courageous work. It’s about telling those parts of ourselves that they don’t need to protect us in the same way anymore. We're safe now, and we're ready to live more fully aligned with who we truly are.
If you’re reading this, thank you so much for your support with Codependency Alchemy! Please take a moment to engage with this post by giving it a like, comment, or reposting it to help others find and access these conversations that are so important for us all to have.
⚡FLASH SALE⚡
Don’t forget that we are having a flash sale⚡ to celebrate the two year anniversary of me writing “Healing the Mother Wound: With Mother Earth.”
Grab your Healing the Mother Wound Workbook for 50% off until the end of September. Use promo code “ANNIVERSARY” when you check out and get the workbook for less than $10!
“Every time I open this book, there is something there that feels timely for me. I am so happy to put this wonderful gift of poetry on my shelf and to come back to it time and time again, as I know I will. There is love and healing for everyone here, and it pours out from these pages like a river of blessings.”
What if I pass my codependency to my children?