Hey babes, today we are discussing something a lot of us have experience with: emotionally attaching to someone quickly.
For those of us with codependent or anxious attachment patterns, it's super common to find ourselves making a new person or relationship mean something about us. We start dreaming up this whole future with them and attaching our sense of self-worth and belonging to how much they like us.
Then when things don't progress at the pace we want or they're not giving us the validation and attention we crave 24/7, all those unhealed wounds and insecurities start bubbling up. We go into fixer mode, trying to control and change them instead of meeting our own needs.
Emotionally, it can feel like a rollercoaster. One minute we're on cloud nine planning our life together, and the next we're spiraling about being unlovable if they leave. We get so enmeshed in their energy that it's hard to separate our feelings from theirs.
Physically, those fears and doubts may show up as tension or tightness somewhere in our body. That's why doing inner child work is so helpful - it allows us to connect with those parts of ourselves and provide the love and safety we're unconsciously seeking from others.
There are a few reasons why you might be emotionally attaching to others quickly:
You’re not feeling very secure in yourself, so you attach to someone who makes you feel seen and liked.
You’ve dreamed up this whole future with someone and get attached to the idea of them fulfilling all of those desires.
You’re not meeting your own needs, so naturally you try and get them met through someone else.
The good news is that every relationship is an opportunity for growth, babe. When we use them as mirrors instead of making others responsible for our happiness, that's when the real healing happens. Here are some things you can do to help pattern track emotionally attaching to others quickly.
7 Steps for Emotional Attachment Pattern Tracking
Pay attention to how long it takes before you start prioritizing someone over other areas of your life. Notice when they become a main focus.
Track your moods and energy levels in relation to engagement from the person. Are you feeling super low and more anxious when they're distant?
Journal about any dreams or visions of the future you start having with them early on— what are you making a relationship with this person mean about you? What dreams are you attaching to this person?
Set a boundary around waiting a certain time before sharing personal details or plans. Give new connections space to develop by discussing things that have brought you joy over the years rather than what you envision in the future.
Check in regularly on whether you're meeting your own needs or trying to get them met through the other person.
Notice physical tension spots that arise when you're feeling insecure in the relationship/connection.
Be willing to slow down and pause if you notice yourself slipping back into old attachment patterns. This is the perfect moment to do the Inner Child Practice to meet the part of you that is coming up. Use your awareness around this as a opportunity to heal core wounds more deeply, rather than using it as evidence that you’ve taken steps backwards. Those beliefs can be really limiting— you aren’t taken steps backwards when you find yourself in those patterns again, it’s simply this part of you calling you inward to tend to it. Let it be evidence of your progress, babe!
Have you done the Inner Child Practice, yet? Make sure you bookmark this post, it is a tool you can use again and again, and will absolutely hold you in those anxious moments when intrusive and obsessive thought loops come in.
Here are a couple other key takeaways from the episode worth mentioning:
Using our relationships as mirrors for self-reflection is one of the best ways to heal quickly. When we get triggered, do shadow work to uncover deeper wounds instead of blaming others.
Practicing detachment from making others responsible for our self-worth/happiness is important for breaking attachment patterns. We have the opportunity to be the one that meets our own emotional needs.
Inner child working somatics, like noticing where feelings live in your body, can help soothe that wounded inner part of you that's unconsciously seeking love from others.
Remember that healing isn't linear - patterns may come up again, but see them as opportunities to meet yourself with more compassion.
Resources:
Join the Codependency Alchemy Broadcast Channel on Instagram
Codependency Alchemy: The Membership: Subscribe on Substack for weekly shadow work prompts, exclusive podcast episodes, and access to monthly masterclasses and group coaching calls. Take the next step in your healing journey and join a supportive community.
The Codependency Quiz: 9 questions to help you see where codependency is influencing your life and relationships.
How to Heal Codependency in Your Relationships: A 5-week self-paced course that guides you through the tools & practices I use to get clients from resentful to reciprocal relationships.
Get your copy of “Healing the Mother Wound: With Mother Earth” on Amazon & BookBaby Bookstore
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